For those who love me after you

I feel sorry for the ones who love me after you.

For the things that have left me void

Hearts that break and love that can’t sustain souls.

Those men who love me after you, this is my ode to you

I know that at one time I was capable of finding good in your type but the trust was eroded.

I started to question your intentions, even when you said I was beautiful, I would look at you as if a compliment was a dagger. If felt strange to show any mercy or grace. I thought to myself. Who am I? GOD?

The superwoman in me kept me callous.

I couldn’t blame her, it was her job to protect me.

It was her burden to hide my bubbling personality from those she deemed unworthy.

Her selection criterion was tough. Even Romeo with his promises to love me forever, was rejected by superwoman.

For the ones who love me after you, I am trying to build myself brand new. The loss I have experienced feels more like a death, black holes of nothingness. Relationships moving in and out, they keep us afloat and they drown us in remote places. Feeling alone is nothing new to me, before him I took solace in being alone. The comfort of being by yourself using my own strength to build a life I wanted.

To please myself, I knew what I had to do but to please you, I was always left confused. But now, I am here and you are there and death has occurred. Can’t you smell it in the air? The sweet rottenness that is decaying flesh. The hardening callouses that are meant to protect, my superwoman whispered in my ear “you will be fine darling? I’ve built us a new shield.”

I wanted to say that there was n need for such but the constant hurting drove me away from lust, away from caring and away from sharing, what I truly wanted. And so for the men who come after you, this is my ode to you.

I’m sorry in advance for the things I can’t say aloud, I’m sorry for giving you only the surface when you begged me for deeper reflections. I’m sorry for the hurt you may see and think you caused. My superwoman won’t allow us to fall, back into traps and false promises of love. I’m sorry for not showing you what I’m truly like, that you will never find my whole heart, for we have hidden it from your sight.

Be patient with us, my superwoman and I.